Artie
by The Shrubbery
Summary: When Eames steals one of Yusuf's failed potions and slips it into Arthur's tea, Arthur's body suddenly turns into a boy of five. The only solution? Flee the scene of the crime and hope that Ariadne will take good care of him. Fluffy Ariadthur.


**Ah, Inception. Probably will remain one of my favoritestestest movies evah.**

**This is probably going to be complete crack. So, I warned you. **

**I was wondering two things today: How does one not ship AriadneXArthur? And how does one not like the Inception soundtrack? Both ideas are preposterous, but not unrealistic, sadly.**

**Enjoy.**

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><p>Chicago, Illinois.<br>Safehouse #0059  
>5:54 AM, April 26, 2011<p>

"AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRTHHHHUUUR!"

The usually quiet atmosphere of the breakfast table was broken as everyone looked up to see who had yelled their companion, Arthur's, name.

There was Dom, who was on a visit. He was clean, shaven, and radiated joy and peace as he drank his coffee. He rarely came to the group, as he had returned home, and it was a pleasant surprise that he was here.

There was Yusuf, who was the opposite of Dom. He looked like he hadn't slept in ages, had messy hair, hadn't changed, and was in a foul mood after his experimenting failed throughout the night. He was munching on toast spread with a combination of jelly and butter, which he said helped him think.

There was also Ariadne, who was up before all of them. She still had on her pajamas but was up and ready to go. She was having a bowl of cereal and orange juice while reading the newspaper.

...And there was our victim, Arthur. He was sipping his regular cup of Earl Grey tea sharing Ariadne's newspaper. His hair was neatly combed and gelled to perfection, his casual suit pressed and ironed, and his shoes shined past shiney. The sudden scream forced him to do a spit take.

"What is it, Eames?" Arthur said, while also apologizing to Ariadne and dabbing her with a napkin.

"Where the hell are my bananas?" he seethed, clenching his teeth.

"Bananas? You didn't say you wanted—"

"Bananas. Where. Are. The. Bananas." Eames' face was so close to Arthur's, they could feel each other's breath.

"I dunno. You never said anything about—"

"You didn't get them," Eames said eerily, twirling with his hair.

"Okay, so I didn't get your bananas," Arthur said, giving up. "Everyone makes mistakes, Eames."

"But never about my bloody _bananas!_" Eames slammed his hand on the table. He shot the Arthur a menacing look, which quickly melted into a fake sincere one. "And I even reminded you, Arthur...darling."

"If by reminder you mean screaming in my face at—" he stopped to check his watch, "—6 in the morning, yeah, you did." Arthur sighed. "Look, Eames, I'm sorry I forgot to get your beloved bananas."

"Yeah, well, sorry doesn't cut it, you big arse," Eames growled. "Sorry doesn't get me my bananas."

"Why can't you get your own bananas?" Arthur asked, exasperated. "There's a grocery store just around the corner."

"I can't get them because it's _not my day to go grocery-shopping!_ It's _yours!_ And you're doing a damn bad job of it."

Arthur grumbled as he got up. Ariadne sent him an expression of compassion and touched his hand. He granted himself a moment of happiness before he turned back to Eames.

"I can give you ten dollars if you go down there by yourself and buy your bananas," Arthur offered.

"Twenty," Eames snarled. "And you provide the banana money."

Arthur scowled. "Fine. It's a deal." They shook hands and Eames left, slamming the door behind him.

"What the hell was that all about?" Dom asked, suppressing the urge to laugh.

"If you didn't already pick it up from the conversation, I forgot to buy his bananas." Arthur sighed and returned his attention to the tea.

"Tsk, tsk, Arthur, how could you forget them? I never do," Ariachne teased. She gave him the other side of the newspaper.

"Shut it, you," Arthur said, but with an edge of playfulness.

"He was in a bad mood," Yusuf said. "He did not get his sleep last night."

"Looks like you didn't, either," Dom said. He looked at his watch and frowned. "Ah, look at the time. Miles will be visiting today and I want James and Phillipa to look their best so...I really must be going." Dom put on his coat and gave the remaining people a salute. "Ta-ta."

"Good-bye, Cobb," Arthur said, not moving his eyes away from the paper.

"Bye," Ariadne said, waving. Yusuf was too tired to do or say anything, so Dom left without hearing his farewell. The door slammed for the second time this morning.

Ariadne seemed to have lost interest in the paper and let Arthur have complete control. "So why didn't you go to sleep last night, Yusuf?"

He looked at her drowsily. "I was down at the lab, figuring something out."

"I figure it didn't really work, though," Ariadne guessed.

"You figure right." Yusuf sighed. "I was so close..."

"Close...?" Ariadne said, implying he should go on.

"Oh, it's ridiculous."

"No, please, go on!" Ariadne said. "It's not like I have anything else interesting to listen to." She quietly pointed to Arthur.

"For your information, Ariadne, I am a terribly interesting person and I am hurt by your suggestion that I am not." Arthur hmphed and then returned to drinking tea and reading the newspaper.

"See what I mean?" Ariadne asked.

"Very well then..." Yusuf clapped his hands together. "I was up last night making Immortality."

Silence.

"I—immortality?" Ariadne asked, taken back.

"Not the immortality _you_ know, of course, it's the Chemist's Immortality. It allows you access to Limbo with the knowledge of the fact that you are dreaming."

"Can't you go to Limbo...manually and still know?" Ariadne asked. "You know, sedation and then go to the unstable level of the dream?"

"Most people can't get out. It's too tantalizing. What you and Cobb did...was highly unusual. What Fischer did was even more so," Yusuf said. "Immortality allows you full control of whether you want to stay in Limbo or not. You have options."

"Options like what?"

"You can have Immortality notify you constantly that Limbo is a dream. Although, most of the time, it is so annoying people turn it off. Or you can have it Kick you back to reality when you are starting to have doubt. But if you want these, it takes more time, more effort, and more concentration of the potion, no one bothers to anymore. Immortality at its purest point can provide clean fun of Limbo and guarantee you will get back without—how Eames puts it—scrambled eggs for brains...but it takes hundred of years to condense."

"So, most Chemists just stop when they reach it somehow?"

"Yes. And they have fine results. It grants them endless space to reconstruct over the span of the night and when time's up, they wake up." Yusuf sighed. "However, like real immortality, it comes with a deadly price. Soon, they have nothing else to live for, those men. They slip deeper and deeper into Immortality. They know it's a dream but they don't care. Finally, they never wake up. They don't want to, so Immortality doesn't make them."

"...Wow. That, uh, that seems..."

"...stupid. That's what it is. Why would you ever want to go to Limbo?" Arthur scoffed, turning the page.

"Some people like the idea of playing god," Yusuf said.

"They shouldn't. You should never meddle with the subconscious. It always finds a way to get back at you." Arthur's eyes seemed to blur and intensify at the same time as he said this, but then it returned to the same neutral, omniscient Arthur-eyes they always were.

"Um, so how did it go?" Ariadne asked, disliking the sudden awkward atmosphere.

"Ahh, well, my Immortality produced mixed results on the rats. Some died, some grew bald, others became blind or deaf. It wasn't so pretty," Yusuf said sheepishly.

"I bet," Ariadne said. "Hey, um, is Eames still gone?"

"It's either he hasn't noticed that I haven't given him his money yet or he got lost on the way to the huge Wal-Mart two blocks away," Arthur said, downing the last of his Earl Grey.

"My money's on the latter," Ariadne said.

"Same here," Arthur agreed, putting the newspaper down.

"While we're on the subject, do you know where it is? The failed-Immortality?" Yusuf asked. "I seemed to have misplaced it."

"I don't know where it is," Ariadne said.

"Me neither," Arthur said, straightening his tie. "Ah, that tea was a little bit strange."

"How so?" Ariadne asked, cleaning up her breakfast. She took her cup, bowl, and spoon and put them in the sink.

"I'm not quite sure, it was unnaturally sweeter than usual," Arthur said, doing the same as Ariadne.

There was a clatter as Ariadne came back from the kitchen.

"Oh my God," she whispered as she saw Arthur.

"What is it?" Arthur asked.

"Arthur...you've...shrunk."

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><p><strong>Obviously, you can see where this is going...Review!<strong>


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